Do you ever have a moment that you are pushing one of these up a hill?   Like nothing will go the way that you have planned it? Like no matter how much work you put in, things just won’t fall in place? Like it is worthless to look forward to something because it only sets up your already brittle heart to crack a bit more? (it already feels like thin ice most days and you wake up each day hoping the scotch tape you put on it the night before as you laid down to sleep actually held.)…I know the feeling.  All too well.

I also know that these continued disappointments lead to the inevitable sad and doubting feelings of worth.  Of place.  Of life’s purpose and God’s plan for you (or me – depending on the perspective).  If you are mishearing Him or failing at completing the tests or greater mission that He has placed before You.  It is rather easy to write those thoughts when they are so raw — the truth is that most others would never admit it even if they do feel those things.  I feel drawn to do so so that you know, somebody, a very real person, feels them right along with you.  I do not speak from hypothetical telling you to keep you to keep your chin up, but having really no comparison for what it might feel like for you.  There is great potential for this rough moment to stop you.  To poison you with moments of doubt and skepticism.  To somehow move you from the mindset of worthy and deserving to warped mindset of the unworthy and mistaken of your value.

Do not let yourself stay there. Not only do you suck the life out of the present wonderful things you do deserve, when you do finally arrive at the destination that was yours all along, instead of savoring the amazing things, you will more that likely miss them viewing through a veil of sadness and anger’s residue.  It’s always said that all Darkness needs is a crack or a minute foothold. Viola.  Do not give it one.

Chose to be different.  Stop breaking your back to push the rock up the hill.Even if the moment you stand in is not the one that you believed you’d be in, be grateful and optimistic .  That dinner will happen.  That promotion will be yours. That relationship will be healed.  That vacation or hang out will come to pass.  Chose to have a heart full of hope, love, and gratitude.  He knows what He is doing.  I know, easier said than done. Believe me, I know.