I DID IT

Sometimes, you have to do it.  TAKE THE LEAP.  Realize your worth when others can’t.  Realize what you do or don’t mean to them.  4 years, 6 days, and probably 14 hours I devoted to my latest boss.  10 hours a day was common and many days, I spent both ways in the dark, not really sure what I had to show for that day.  That moment…That gap in my life and chunk of time I will never get back.

Thankfully, we had many nice customers and clients that I grew to really enjoy.  When I couldn’t stand him, I did it for them.  I got to know things they liked, their kids names, their dogs names, their successes and failures.  Their happiness and frustrations with the business and those that they served.  I’ve learned a bit about measuring gravel, how to lay a patio, and how to encourage an average pinterest nut to find a mason to help them complete their dream project.    That being a dreamer and artistic isn’t limited to the pen and paper or brush and easel.

All this was countered by a boss who struggles to be fair and kind to his employees.  Who thinks that he has all of the answers 99% percent of the time, and in that one percent that you have an answer on your own, he makes sure that you know that his 9 year old could do your job if you weren’t there.  He reminds you that he started it on his own, and will continue to do it all on his own just to prove that he can (in some attempt at spite or a Napoleon know it all).  Work wasn’t stressful because the job was hard.  After all of these years it’s true that much of it could be done in my sleep, the hardest part of the whole thing was deciding whether I worked for Jekyll or Hyde that day.   It’s a horrible way to live, and can even do significant damage to your health and psyche.   Don’t just take it from me look at what the experts have to say:

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-management/art-20044289

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress-body.aspx

One day, one of my fellow co-workers  who has known my boss since childhood made a comment to me and it just clicked.  He said, “You are just a tool for his wealth.  When you no longer benefit him in chasing and creating his wealth, you will no longer matter to him”.  Given that conversation and a few other sprinkles of incidents, something snapped.  All the good intention and false nicety that I had given to his character fell away.  For a moment, my vision was clear and my value of self was able to speak into me once again.

Suddenly, all of the job offers that I had gotten over the years while with him were not to be ignored.  Those that recognized  my talent and skills, my ability to care for others,  were given to me by the Universe for a reason.   Now was the time to stand on the skills he added to who I am (inventory management etc) that then could propel me forward if only I’d give myself no time to get stuck hugging it out with my normal companions – fear and doubt.

It’s ok to grow past someone or something.  If we didn’t we’d never move forward in that which we should unabashedly seek.    I’d perhaps never have found my way back here either as I’d let this job consume my free time and make me forget how much joy sitting here gives me.  Hoping to encourage you to be the greater that you can be.  That you deserve to be.  Sometimes you must quit that which is poisonous to your soul and find what speaks to your open heart.  Don’t chase the money (ok you need some of it) but that which makes you feel happy and filled.  If you can’t do it for a job, perhaps it can be a volunteer gig? Hug babies, walk dogs, sing to  anyone who might  enjoy it, do meals on wheels for the elderly.   I can’t be the life coach for everyone on the other side of the screen, but I can encourage you – don’t be afraid to quit on those things that drain the You out of you.